


only fools rush in

by feelingsmall79



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: I Don't Even Know, M/M, stupid but kinda fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 05:34:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2536031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feelingsmall79/pseuds/feelingsmall79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which josh thinks he is an asshole and tyler kind of definitely agrees</p><p>but it's cute okay</p>
            </blockquote>





	only fools rush in

Josh feels like an asshole.

Like, majorly. Like, as in, he’s said the words “I am an asshole” approximately 256 times today, to a total of one bird, two cats, and, mostly, himself. Oh, and the guy at the drive through window at Taco Bell.

(The guy at Taco Bell had looked really uncomfortable when Josh had responded to his cheery “Have a nice day!” with “I am an asshole,” and it had made him feel like even more of an asshole.)

So, here’s the thing. He knows exactly what day it is. He didn’t forget. He won’t wake up with a sinking feeling tomorrow, realizing that he completely missed it. And he knows what he should do, why he should get his phone out right this very second and call Tyler. The reason he’s an asshole is that he can’t. He just – can’t do it.

Mrs. Joseph already called him at around noon, asking why he hadn’t called Tyler yet. Josh had felt a little paranoid until she explained that she had just gotten off the phone with Tyler, who had spent half their conversation complaining about Josh’s radio silence. “He already misses you bunches, Josh,” Mrs. Joseph had said reprovingly. “And then today, of all days, you decide you can’t even call him?” She wasn’t mad – she could never be mad at Josh – but he still felt like a real asshole.

Fast forward to present, and Josh shoves his head deeper underneath his pillow, groaning. He’s been lying in bed since he got back from Taco Bell, trying to work around the nerves twisting in his stomach. He’s dialed Tyler’s number 27 times in the past thirty minutes, hasn’t pressed call once.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to Tyler. He actually wants to talk to Tyler so bad it’s a physical feeling – and he misses Tyler like hell. But he hasn’t been able to talk to Tyler in two weeks, ever since Josh realized he was in love with the kid.

It was kind of on accident, to be honest. They had been Skyping and Tyler had gotten up to get his ukulele so he could play something for Josh, leaving Josh staring at a shot of the living room couch in Tyler’s house. Josh couldn’t keep the grin off his face. Talking to Tyler always made him almost violently happy.

(When Debby broke up with him last year, she had even said that: “You get happier after one conversation with Tyler than you’ve ever been with me.” He had scoffed at the time but now he’s beginning to wonder if there wasn’t something to that.)

But Josh had been sitting there, staring at the couch where he had watched thousands of movies with Tyler and wondering vaguely what he should get for dinner, and then Tyler had suddenly popped back into the frame with his ukulele and the biggest smile on his face and Josh had thought to himself, _God, I love him._

Thus had begun his personal crisis.

Because out of nowhere, as Tyler played him some song he had written that he said he was considering calling “Ode to Taco Bell,” Josh was realizing that love suddenly had a new definition as it pertained to boys with dark hair and tattoos and pink cheeks and a fetish for floral prints and suddenly he was very busy and he told Tyler he had to go and that’s the last time they spoke.

It wasn’t about being gay, or bi, or whatever he wanted to label his sexuality as. He had never really cared about that, always been of the, “if you’re hot and you like Taco Bell, I’ll probably date you” attitude, regardless of gender. It’s not about ruining friendships either, because Josh knows that if, by some miracle, Tyler felt the same way, it would be a forever kind of thing. Regardless of everything else that he’s been questioning over the past two weeks, Josh has never once questioned that this is it for him. Tyler is it.

What scares Josh is that he has no idea if Tyler could ever feel the same way. He knows that he’s Tyler’s best friend, knows that if asked what three things he would bring to a desert island, Tyler would list Josh as one of them, knows that Tyler will always be there.

But Josh wants more, and he doesn’t know how to tell Tyler that because what if he doesn’t feel the same?

Hence the being an asshole. Because Josh knows if he hears Tyler’s voice, or even texts him, it will all come spilling out. He knows if he gets on the phone with that boy, the mere sound of his voice over thousands of miles of telephone line will make him stumble over every thought he’s had in these two weeks and he will tell Tyler that _I am so desperately in love with you I can’t think straight how did Romeo and Juliet deal with this shit I fucking love you Tyler._

Josh groans again into his pillow just as his phone buzzes against his left hip. He nearly throws his pillow across the room in his rush to get to his phone. Pressing the home button, he nearly pukes when he reads Tyler’s name next to the message notification.

“Fuck,” he mutters, sliding the message open.

**From: Ty :)**  
 _(1:33 PM)  
So…_

Josh feels a jolt of panic go through him and curses read receipts because now Tyler knows he saw the message but what the fuck does he say. “I am an asshole,” he mutters, just as the little bubble pops up, indicating that Tyler is typing again.

**From: Ty :)**  
 _(I:34 PM)_  
look i don’t know if I did anything but I really want to talk to you  
I miss you like crazy brahddy  
Haha  
That wasn’t funny  
I’m trying to be funny so you don’t think I’m pathetic  
Text me  
I know you’re reading these

Josh rolls over and screams into his pillow.

**To: Ty :)**  
 _(1:36 PM)  
I am an asshole_

His phone tells him that Tyler has read the message but there’s no response. Josh figures he deserves that. This is the first of Tyler’s texts that he’s responded to in over two weeks. He breathes out shakily and wipes a hand over his face – and then has a really stupid idea.

Before he can think about it twice, he dials and presses call. _I am an asshole,_ he thinks to himself, and then the person on the other end picks up.

“Hi Josh,” Debby says in a neutral voice.

“Hi Debby,” he says, voice shaking slightly. It’s mostly from Tyler but partly because he hasn’t spoken to her since they broke up and he doesn’t really know how she feels about the whole thing.

“Um…what’s up?” she says after a pause, sounding slightly confused.

“I need your help,” Josh blurts. “I, uh…I realize this is supremely weird and I realize we haven’t spoken in a while – “ Debby laughs at that. “ – and I realize that this is probably the last thing you call your ex-girlfriend about, but I need help and I just – “

“Is it about Tyler?” she asks in a business-like voice.

“How – “ Josh begins, and then stutters to a stop. “I’m in love with him,” he blurts, and wow, he’s really an asshole.

“Jesus Christ, finally,” mutters Debby on the other line. “So what’s the big deal?”

“Wait – you did know!” Josh says indignantly, sitting up in bed.

“Honestly, why do you think I broke up with you, Josh?” Debby sighs, sounding slightly amused. “So, you need to explain to me what the issue is, because I have approximately five minutes before I need to be leaving for a business meeting.”

“Well,” Josh begins, “I am an asshole.”

It’s now nine and a half hours and six cups of coffee later and Josh is in the Columbus airport and what the _hell._

“Debby is an asshole,” Josh mutters as he struggles with his luggage in the foyer of the airport. If it were not for Debby and her stupid, “Oh my god, Josh, just tell him. I didn’t break up with you so you could be a pussy about this,” and her REALLY stupid idea of flying to Columbus to surprise Tyler then he wouldn’t be here with a horribly packed suitcase (he had a terrible moment when the plane touched down and he saw the snow on the tarmac where he realized that he packed only muscle tees and one singular jacket) struggling to get to the door without dropping something.

When he finally reaches the curb he has a single moment of relief, and then panic overtakes again as he realizes that now the only thing separating him from Tyler is a twenty minute ride in the back of a taxi and a front door. He takes a moment to bend over and brace his hands against his knees, taking deep breaths, thinking to himself, _you can do this, you are brave, you are also an asshole, you owe Tyler this._ Really, it’s only the last thought that finally makes him stand straight and hail a cab.

Once he’s successfully stuffed his suitcase and backpack in, he slides into the back seat of the cab. The driver takes one look at him in the rearview mirror and asks in a dubious voice, “You’re not gonna puke, are you?”

“I am an asshole,” Josh says, because he’s really good at social interaction and talking and life in general.

“Yeah alright buddy,” the driver grunts, looking concerned for the wellbeing of his car. “I just need to know where you’re going and that you won’t puke in my back seat.”

“Yes – I mean – no I won’t puke. Um, right, address,” Josh rambles, feeling stupider by the second. He rattles off Tyler’s address, and the cabbie gives him one more doubtful look before pulling away from the curb.

Josh spends the entire ride going over what he might potentially say to Tyler when he finally sees him, but everything seems forced and stupid and also Josh sucks at, like, real life human communication, so it seems unlikely that he could even get any of it out in the first place. His overcaffeinated mind begins to spin through scenarios and he’s deep into an imagined scene where Tyler has him tied up and is tearfully hurling accusations and also actual knives at Josh (which is actually kind of oddly arousing but that’s a train of thought for a different night) when the cabbie waves his hand at Josh from the front seat and grunts exasperatedly, “We’re here. Jesus Christ.”

“Sorry, I – uh – sorry,” Josh stammers in embarrassment, wondering not for the first time in his life why he even opens his mouth. Pulling out his wallet, he checks the price and gulps, praying to the god of all that’s holy that he has enough cash. He does, and after he’s paid the full price plus a hefty tip, he slides out of the cab with his backpack and suitcase.

Some good things do happen in life, because the man dropped him off just beyond the view of the front windows of Tyler’s house, so Josh has a moment to check out the scene. He peeks around some hedges, his breath clouding out in front of him in the literally below freezing night air, and notes that even though the house appears to be completely dark, there’s the faintest glow at the bottom of one of the upstairs windows, meaning that the light is still on in Tyler’s room at the back of the house.

Looking at the modest two-story shingled building, Josh feels a rush of nostalgia. How much time has he spent here in the past few years? How many times has he spent the night under that roof? It became a bit of a joke in the past year, before Josh moved, about how he basically lived at Tyler’s house. It was true – the only reason he ever really spent the night at home was because he missed his cats.

The sentimentality lasts for about 2.5 seconds before he’s hit with a rush of _ohholyfucki’mherewhatdoido_ and has to double over again because he actually and really feels like he might puke.

But the panic only lasts for a moment this time, because suddenly, Josh has a realization. It’s stupid maybe, and obvious, but it helps. Because suddenly, his brain reminds him: this is Tyler. Tyler Joseph, his best friend, his rock, the fucking love of his life. No matter what happens, Tyler will never abandon Josh. It’s this certainty that tides through him, loosening his chest slightly and giving him the courage to shoulder his backpack and suitcase.

He takes a step forward, still nervous but ready to take on the challenge, but then he has an idea. Pulling out his phone with his free hand, he finally – finally – dials Tyler’s number and presses call.

Those eight rings are the most tense moments of Josh’s life. There’s a moment where he thinks Tyler might even ignore him completely. He’s holding his phone so tightly it seems like it might break and his breathing speeds up but _it’s Tyler, it’s just Tyler, it’s okay, it’s Tyler._

And then –

And then –

He picks up.

“What, Josh?”

Tyler’s voice is flat, and Josh feels like he might puke. “Uh, hi.”

Why. Why does he speak. Why.

“Can I help you?” Tyler sounds like he’s talking to a fucking stranger, and Josh really wants to puke because this is all his fault.

But he knows he owes Tyler an apology, an explanation at the very least. So he takes a deep breath and tries to get something coherent and intelligent to come out of his mouth. “I,” He takes a deep breath. This is it. “am an asshole,” he finishes, and immediately claps a hand over his face, because what the fuck, what the actual _fuck,_ Joshua.

“Yeah,” Tyler says dryly. “I seem to remember you mentioning that.”

Josh doubles over again, groaning silently into his jean-clad thigh. Pulling the phone back to his mouth, he begins again. “That was a stupid thing to say. Look – I am so sorry, Ty.”

“There we go,” mutters Tyler. “What the actual frick, Joshua? What – what even happened here?” Tyler’s voice is frustrated, and Josh can also hear the hurt, and _wow I am such a fucking asshole,_ Josh thinks.

And then he realizes that he’s having this fucking conversation over the phone, and what kind of pussy is he? It’s time to face up, fix this. “Ty, I will explain everything to you very, very soon,” he begins.

“Josh – “ Tyler says, and there’s warning in his voice.

“No, I swear, I will. But please – will you just – can you go to your front door please?” Josh begs, straightening up and beginning the trek across Tyler’s yard through the snow to the front porch.

“My – what the hell, Josh? Why am I going to my front door?” Tyler sounds completely bewildered.

“Just please do. I’ll – I’ll explain while you walk.”

“That better be a fricking promise,” Tyler mutters, but Josh can hear rustles and imagines Tyler getting up out of bed in his pajamas, probably wearing a hoodie that’s too big for him and goes over his hands, and his hair is probably – and okay, Joshua, _not the time._

“Okay, so,” Josh begins, huffing out a shaky breath. “do you, um, do you remember approximately two weeks, three days, and, uh –“ Josh pulls back to look at the time on his phone screen. “five hours ago when we were Skyping? You sang me ‘Ode to Taco Bell’ and – “

“Yeah I remember,” Tyler says, sarcastic as all get out. “When you stopped talking to me. Josh, why the heck am I going to my front door at 11:30 at night? It’s cold. There’s snow here, you know.” ( _I know,_ Josh thinks, looking around at the gleaming yard.) “I don’t know if you’ve forgotten what snow is while you’ve been in Los Angeles, where I hear it’s a hellish 80 degrees year round, but snow is this stuff, that comes out of the sky, right – ”

“Just – trust me, Ty,” Josh says, and he knows he’s asking a lot considering he’s an asshole, but he hopes to god Tyler will just go with it.

“Fine,” Tyler huffs out and Josh breathes a sigh of relief. “But just so you know, I’m going to the bathroom and getting another hoodie before I do that, so just keep telling your stupid story.”

Josh can’t help but smile a little, because he just sounds so _Tyler,_ and then he breathes deeply and begins talking again. “Right, so um, Skype call. So, while we were talking that day, I kind of had – like – a blinding spiritual awakening?”

Tyler snorts, and Josh can faintly hear what must be the sound of him peeing and then washing his hands, which is kind of weird but also makes Josh feel kind of special because you don’t talk to just anybody while you’re going to the bathroom. “What, did you suddenly realize that you’re desperately in love with Taco Bell while I was singing?”

Josh pauses for a long moment, because, well, that’s pretty damn close. He can hear rustling and knows Tyler must be getting a hoodie from the hall closet and a jolt of something rushes through him as he realizes that in just moments, they’ll be face to face.

“Um, no,” he says, and his voice is shaking ever so slightly again. “I – Ty, are you going to the door?”

“Yeah. Should I like, open it or what?” Tyler says, and a strange feeling settles in Josh’s stomach because he can hear Tyler’s voice through the heavy wooden door.

“Yeah,” he barely chokes out, and then the lock is turning, and the door is slowly scraping open and there is Tyler, wrapped in a huge hoodie just like Josh imagined and pajama bottoms with monkeys on them and fuzzy slippers and his hair is a mess and his cheeks are pink and his lips are pinker and _holy hell, does Josh love this boy._

Tyler seems frozen to the spot, stunned at the sight of Josh standing on his front porch in the middle of the night in just skinny jeans and a thin hoodie when he should be in LA being an asshole, and Josh figures this is as good a time as any.

“While you were singing, I kind of – “ He pauses, looks down, realizes that he’s still speaking into the phone even though Tyler’s right there, decides it doesn’t matter. “I realized that I’m desperately in love with you.”

There’s a moment where it feels like all the air in the entire world has been vacuumed up and Josh kind of wants to puke or scream or laugh or disappear into the ground because Tyler isn’t saying anything –

But then Ty slowly lowers his phone, pressing end, and Josh hastily does the same. They just kind of stare at each other for a long moment, and then Tyler shakes his head, a small smile breaking on his lips. “Wow, you are an asshole.”

Josh feels lightheaded, he’s so relieved. It’s certainly not a declaration of love, and Josh doesn’t expect that particular milestone to be reached any time soon, but at least Tyler isn’t yelling at him, isn’t telling him to leave.

“That’s what I’ve been telling you,” Josh exhales in a rush. “I kind of freaked out and I’m kind of still freaking out, and Ty, obviously you don’t feel the same way and I completely understand if you don’t – if you don’t even ever want to see me again, but I just had to – “

“Josh,” Tyler says in a slightly loud voice, because apparently in situations of extreme pressure Josh loses his goddamn mind. “Josh,” Tyler says again, and suddenly he’s just inches away, one hand coming up and gripping the collar of Josh’s shirt. “Apparently, along with being an asshole, you are also a fricking idiot.”

“I – “ Josh begins, but really there’s no way to argue with that, not after his display of communication skills today.

“You are an idiot,” Tyler says over him. “because I am very fucking in love with you, you asshole. I’m kind of really mad at you because you ignored me for two weeks, and I also think you’re a complete idiot because ignoring your object of affection is literally the stupidest way of dealing with newfound love, and I’m also kind of annoyed because it’s really cold out here and you must be freezing and you’re probably gonna get a cold now, and also I’m very much in love with you.”

Tyler is breathing hard by the end of his little speech, and Josh is just – um. Um.

“Um,” Josh says, because incoherence seems to be his specialty today. “Um. Me?”

Tyler rolls his eyes. “Yes, you stupid asshole dumbface. You. I am actually in love with you. It doesn’t make much sense to me either,” he says, and then. Then.

Then they are kissing, and Josh feels it down to his toes, because Tyler’s lips are chapped and it’s freezing outside but the kiss is like wildfire and lightning and warm nights and thousands of stars and Josh is an idiot and an asshole but Tyler fucking Joseph is in love with him and how can the world be any better than that?

Later, after they’ve made it inside and Tyler has made Josh hot chocolate and Josh has changed into a pair of Tyler’s flannel pajama pants (because apparently in his packing frenzy earlier he also forgot to pack any form of apparel for his lower half besides boxer briefs and skinny jeans), they tangle together in Tyler’s bed, just like the old days. Music plays softly from Tyler’s docking station in the corner of the room and streetlights slant through his curtains and their soft voices float to each other in the dark and Josh thinks that he might be the happiest man on this earth.

Just as he’s in the middle of telling Tyler the story of his haphazard day getting to Columbus, something flashes through his mind. He stops in mid sentence and jerks his head around to look at the glowing alarm clock on the bedside table. 11:59 PM.

“Hey Ty,” he says quietly, shuffling down so that he and Tyler are face to face.

“Yeah, Josh?” Tyler murmurs, sounding sleepy, pulling himself closer to Josh by his waist. For a moment, all Josh can do is look at Tyler, how the soft light is glowing along his cheekbones and how his eyes look when he blinks them open to meet Josh’s gaze. But then Josh remembers that he only has seconds left.

“Happy birthday, love,” he says softly, smiling and carding a hand through Tyler’s hair.

Tyler huffs out a laugh, leaning his forehead against Josh’s. “You’re an asshole,” he says, smiling, before pulling Josh in for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> wow i'm not sure how i feel about this fic but i'm glad i finished it because writing is good anyway this started out as one thing and ended as something completely different but i hope you like it yayyy 
> 
> title from Can't Help Falling In Love, twenty one pilots style (also known as the most amazing cover ever and so sweet and josh clapping for tyler at the end and i am just a mess wow)
> 
> it's two in the morning i don't know what i'm doing please forgive me for my stupid writing anyway i love you all most desperately


End file.
